I, Ambria Jackson, Thank you

I wrote this on March 24, 2010. I was going through a great deal with my ex and Bassey Ikpi, with one simple statement, opened my eyes.

Two days or nights, however you want to say it, ago Bassey Ikpi wrote on her twitter, “Love someone and mean it. Unless loving them hurts you too much. Then love yourself and leave. Mean it and stay away.” I just stared at the tweet, and a tear cascaded down my cheek. She must be hacking into my mind because that is it. Those four short sentences spoke volumes to me. I read it and it shook my mind, sent chills through my body, calmed my heart, and freed my soul. “It isn’t your heart. Your heart protects you. It’s your mind telling you you’re not strong enough!” Is what Miss Ikpi said. Now this sent my mind on a whole other universe. This makes sense? Yes. Perfectly. I must strengthen my mind. Shit get it in a mental gym. Are you good for my sanity?! If not, then you aren’t what’s best for me and if you aren’t what’s best for ME, then you can no longer be apart of my thoughts. Bassey has sent me off on this mental journey that I never saw myself traveling to, and with time making it my permanent state. That state being, sane. The state of CHOOSING ME. Bassey Ikpi is, second to my mother because she’d kill me if she read this and she wasn’t first, my SHEro. She is a SURVIVOR in every way. She is BRILLIANT. She is AHHMAZING. She is the angel the universe sent my way. In my mind, she is my Friend, and I owe Miss Ikpi so much. From the depths of my soul, bottom of my heart, and the sane part of my mental, I. Thank. You.

[ruh-shair-shey]

Mentor: Lauryn Hill – Mr. Intentional

“Mr. Intentional”

Yeah, yeaaah, yeah heh, yeah heh, yeah heh…
See the road to hell, is paved with good intentions
Can’t you tell, the way they have to mention
How they helped you out, you’re such a hopeless victim
Please don’t do me any favors, Mr. Intentional
All their talk, is seasoned to perfection
The road they walk, commanding your affection
They need to be needed, deceived by motivation
An opportunity, to further situation
Why they so important, is without explanation
Please don’t patrionize me, Mr. Intentional
Oh, ohhh, ohh ohhh
We give rise to ego, by being insecure
The advice that we go, desperatly searching for
The subconscious effort, to support our paramour
To engage in denial, to admit we’re immature
Validating lies, Mr. Intentional
Open up yours eyes, Mr. Intentional
Stuck in a system, that seeks to suck your blood
Held emotionally hostage, by what everybody does
Counting all the money, that you give them just because
Exploiting ignorance, in the name of love
Stop before you drop because that’s just the way it was
Please don’t justify me, Mr. Intentional
Oh undementional, Mr. Intentional
Ohhh, oh don’t you do me any favors
Ohhh, ohhhh, ohh ohhhh
Wake up you’ve been sleeping
Take up your bed and walk
Stop blaming other people
Oh it’s nobody else’s fault
Except the truth about you
You know that life goes on without you
And your expensive misinventions
Disguising your intentions
Don’t worship my hurt feelings, Mr. Intentional
Oh, oh oh oh
See I know you can’t help me, Mr. Intentional
The only help I need to live, is unprofessional
The only wealth I have to give, is not material
And if you need much more than that, I’m not available
Please don’t entertain me, Mr. Intentional
Oh I dont need your sympthy, Mr. Intentional
Stay away from me, Mr. Intentional
So undementional, Mr. Promotional, Mr. Emotional, Mr. Intentional
Ohhh ohhhh, ohhhh

[ruh-shair-shey]

EX-factor

“Ex-Factor”
Lauryn Hill

It could all be so simple
But you’d rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can’t stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain’t workin’
It ain’t workin’
And when I try to walk away
You’d hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can’t be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I’ll let go too
‘Cause no one’s hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you’d be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you’d die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won’t you live for me

http://m.youtube.com/watch?desktop_uri=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVSQq_mU7jUg&v=VSQq_mU7jUg&gl=CA

What to do????

Pronounced~[ruh-shair-shey]