Thinking…

I rarely consider my words poems. I write whatever is on my mind. Sometimes it comes out in poem form and sometimes it just comes out has a ramble. Most of the time I’m rambling about things that have my mind all over the place.

Two things that set my mind in overdrive are Love and the world in general. The world, mostly, because it is boxed. People expect you to think, dress, speak, write, etc. a certain way. If not, you are different and the world doesn’t like different. Change is so taboo, even though, change is very necessary. People must evolve.

I consider myself rare because I am unlike this world. I control my thoughts. I control my style. I control what I write and speak, and what I choose to write or speak about. I do the opposite. You say I’m weird or different, I say I’m me, and I love me. In time, you will learn to love me too.

The problem with people is they don’t take the time to sit down and have a real conversation. They are too busy judging the cover instead of opening it up and reading what it is about. People aren’t all the same and they shouldn’t be; it would be a boring ass world if they were. If everyone talked, wrote, acted, dressed all the same, we would be a boring ass nation. Funny thing though, some people would like that. When it comes to moral, rational issues is when we should be all on the same page, and if not, we should have compassion for those with different opinions.

I am just writing to be writing. I have nothing to do. I just wish that everyone would have compassion for everyone else. Don’t judge on appearance. Don’t judge on a person residence. Don’t judge because that person may be a single parent. Don’t judge because he/she may have been to jail. You don’t know people’s circumstances. You don’t know why people are they way they are. Talk to people. Get to know people

I leave you with this:

“…I have a dream that my four children can one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today…”

Elevated

Out of this world

Out of this galaxy

My mind is on a spaceship

Rocketing to another world

Past the sky

Through the clouds

Trying to land on a star

Trying to reach galaxies — mega far

My physical being my never come close

My mind, however

Elevated

Reaches

Billions of light-years ahead

Ahead of the small-mindedness of your being

Who am I?

You may ask

An immortal mind of a mortal being

Reaching stars above

Seeing galaxies beyond

Not in my physical

Only mentally

Elevated

Who am I?

You may ask

An immortal mind of a mortal being

Elevated

Out of this world!

 

What A Day!

It all started around 5 in the morning when “the bitch” decided she wanted to visit for the month. I had totally forgot it was even that time ( rough last month ). So I only had one tampon and I had planned to stop in the morning before work and get some but my plans got all eff’d up. Dad had to take me to work so I didn’t get stop at the store (SHIT…was what I was thinking at the time). Okay, I can always get a tampon out of the lady’s room out of the machine, right? Yes. So, as I get to work and get settled in I go into the restroom and look at what they have… (they only have regular.. this is the beginning of “the bitches” visit, not the middle or end. This ain’t even going to work) *puts 75 cents  in* This was going to have to do until I could get something better. After about an hour I’m thinking, this isn’t going to work until 1. I had no choice, I was going to have to go down to that high ass corner market, at the job, and buy a box of cardboard tampons for 5 dollars. *Funny shit* I get the tampons and the guy ask, “You need a bag?” I laugh and say, “No! I’m a girl. These people know I have a damn period.” Dude says, “I knew I liked you.” haha! Well, I thought it was pretty funny. Forget you. Back to the regularly scheduled program….

My Dad had no idea that I had a half day at work, so I got off at 1 and I had no idea that he had a doc appt at 12:45 (mis-communication).  I tell my Dad not to worry and that I could get a ride home, but really I knew I couldn’t. Everyone I knew was either at school or at work. My only resort was to ride that damn public transportation. The thing I hate about it is that it takes me 2 hours to get home and the people. Some people don’t give you your space, and I’m talking about those who try to “holla”. *side note* I was excited to find out that we had an Edible Arrangements in this area. Yayyy!! I get on the bus and everything is good until this psycho boy gets on the bus and wants to stare me down like he knows I stole his damn puppy. And I mean, he isn’t even looking away once I noticed that he is staring at me. Psycho! And naturally, I am frightened, naturally. (on a bus full of people. yes. i watch criminal minds). I try to just focus and turn my music down enough so I can hear everything that is going on, just in case psycho wants to do something and try to take me hostage. ( I’m weird. I know) Everything is cool though. Then this older guy gets on the bus and he wants to know if he can sit by the window so he can spit, and I’m like, “so you can spit?’ Just so I know that I heard him right, and I did. This negro is chewing on tobacco. Just fucking trifling dude. And he is spitting out the damn window. Nasty ass. I was over it. He then starts to ask me what I’m listening to and he wants to see the book I’m reading and shit. Like dude, get out of my face. He is talking about he is chewing it so he can stop smoking and that he hates spitting. Well then pick another remedy to stop smoking. Ewww..

I’m finally at the bus terminal and I have to wait on my other bus to get me home. I look at my bus transfer and it expires at 3:25. I look at my watch and it is 2:40. I’m like cool. Time goes by and about 10 buses come in and out the terminal. I look at my watch again and it is now 3:10. Fuck. I don’t have another 1.50 if the bus doesn’t come before 3:25. I’m pissed. Then the bus shows up at 3:15. Yes. But then I think, I was at that damn terminal for about 45 mins. I get on the bus and it takes me like 5-10 mins to get to my stop. I get off, walk to my house. This dude is beeping his bitchass horn at me, trying to holla.. I ignore him and keep it moving. I mess with no dudes from my city. I, FINALLY, get home 2 and a half hours later.

That was my crazy day I had yesterday. And addition to the “bitch” and my transportation and the two psycho’s I encounter on said transportation, I also had a pretty hectic, busy work day. Doing other people’s work because they weren’t there. What a day.

S.o.S

I just thought this picture and quote summed up everything. We, humans, need to save our planet. To quote the King of Pop, “…heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race…”

Unfinished

foolish foolish humans

how dare you step to me

i am a rare being

can’t you see

are you blinded by your insecurities?

do i intimidate you…

with my thoughts,

my meditating attitude

i know you all too well

i was once on your team

seeing the world through blinded eyes

trying to please you

which led to my demise…

this poem is unfinished but i decided to post it anyway.

Silly humans urk my nerves!

This post I just read just made me mad… Chris Brown saying the Michael Jackson tribute was the “ultimate apology..” Ultimate apology, my ass. That little mofo can’t even admit that he HIT (punched, bit, etc) a woman… So how is that an ultimate apology?? Just like a drug addict has to admit that they’re a drug addict before they can actually begin to change, he has to admit that he actually HIT A WOMAN. If he can’t admit it, then he doesn’t think he has a problem, and if he doesn’t think he has a problem then he won’t change.

Now he doesn’t owe an apology to ANYONE but Rihanna, but when people take his side over hers, I get ticked off. When people say, “she deserved it. She must have done something to him. He wouldn’t have done that had she not…” That shit is STUPID! Tell that to your bestfriend who got her lip busted by her boyfriend. Tell that to your sister who got punched in the face. Tell that to you aunt, who is now 6 feet under because of her jealous husband who took her life. Tell that to you mother who, your whole life, has been beaten by your stepfather. Tell them they deserved it. Tell them they must of done something wrong. Tell them that. Go ahead. Say it. You can’t. You won’t. If ANYONE man put their hands on any one of those people you’d be ready to kill because I know I was. I’ve seen people go through it. I know. And they didn’t have to do shit but look the wrong way.

I’m done. I’m so pissed that I can’t write anymore. Silly ass humans. Peace and no hair grease.

[ruh-shair-shey]

Poem: Nikki-Rosa by Nikki Giovanni

This is one of my all-time favorite poems and poets. This poem is EVERYTHING! This poem is LIFE! I wrote a essay about this poem in my African American Lit class and it was my best essay I’ve ever written. My teacher said it was the best essay she’d read by a student.

Nikki-Rosa
By Nikki Giovanni

childhood remembrances are always a drag

if you’re Black

you always remember things like living in Woodlawn   

with no inside toilet

and if you become famous or something

they never talk about how happy you were to have   

your mother

all to yourself and

how good the water felt when you got your bath   

from one of those

big tubs that folk in chicago barbecue in   

and somehow when you talk about home   

it never gets across how much you

understood their feelings

as the whole family attended meetings about Hollydale

and even though you remember

your biographers never understand

your father’s pain as he sells his stock   

and another dream goes

And though you’re poor it isn’t poverty that

concerns you

and though they fought a lot

it isn’t your father’s drinking that makes any difference   

but only that everybody is together and you

and your sister have happy birthdays and very good   

Christmases

and I really hope no white person ever has cause   

to write about me

because they never understand

Black love is Black wealth and they’ll

probably talk about my hard childhood

and never understand that

all the while I was quite happy

[ruh-shair-shey]

Music Corner: Angel Taylor – ‘Not Even Human’

I listen to everyone. I’m just a lover of music, period. From oldies (but goodies) to newer artist like Angel Taylor. I think she is the NEXT big thing. Her, Love Travels, album is dope. I love it. Her voice, AMAZING. I like ever song on Love Travels, but as I kept listening, over-and-over, Not Even Human, quickly became my favorite song… Check it out!

NOT EVEN HUMAN

I have been taken before
You’re not the first to rob me of my peace and my sanity
You’ve taken all my peace and my sanity
You must have been kidding with that romantic love spell,
or maybe I just didn’t hear you right
You run over my heart, and then ask for it back
You must think that that’s alright
Well its not alright

But you’re not even human
You’re just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to-
become the girl on the piano bench,
singing all of her tears away

So did you feel sorry for me
or was i some charity case that you thought you could save?
Well I was better off, not even knowing your name
I was so much better off

Cuz you’re not even human
You’re just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to-
become the girl on the piano bench,
singing all of her tears away

all of her tears away

Cuz you’re not even human
You’re just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to-
become the girl on the piano bench,
singing all of her tears away
all of her tears away

http://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=CA&warned=True&client=mv-google&hl=en&v=CXq-fNxocJY&fulldescription=1

[ruh-shair-shey]

Thoughts: My mind wonders, often!

Looking out into the world
What do you see?
What thoughts invade your mind?
My view is rather cloudy
Yet…
Clear
My mind goes into overdrive
Yet…
Slow enough to understand my thoughts

Not believing in the world
Is a terrifying feeling
Knowing what you want
But not knowing what the future holds
Is a thought that constantly invades my mind

I don’t belong here
Here in this world as we know it
This..
Selfish,
Materialistic,
Spoiled,
Racist,
Judgmental,
Discriminating,
Founded world

Where Christianity is the “only” religion worthy
Where the color of your skin is all that is seen
Where your sexual orientation is the “only” sin
Where morality is irrelevant
Where “church and state” are NOT separated

That world will never be for me
That world isn’t my world
That world doesn’t honor..
“…equality and freedom for all!”

If no where else
I will be free
In my thoughts

[ruh-shair-shey]

I, Ambria Jackson, Thank you

I wrote this on March 24, 2010. I was going through a great deal with my ex and Bassey Ikpi, with one simple statement, opened my eyes.

Two days or nights, however you want to say it, ago Bassey Ikpi wrote on her twitter, “Love someone and mean it. Unless loving them hurts you too much. Then love yourself and leave. Mean it and stay away.” I just stared at the tweet, and a tear cascaded down my cheek. She must be hacking into my mind because that is it. Those four short sentences spoke volumes to me. I read it and it shook my mind, sent chills through my body, calmed my heart, and freed my soul. “It isn’t your heart. Your heart protects you. It’s your mind telling you you’re not strong enough!” Is what Miss Ikpi said. Now this sent my mind on a whole other universe. This makes sense? Yes. Perfectly. I must strengthen my mind. Shit get it in a mental gym. Are you good for my sanity?! If not, then you aren’t what’s best for me and if you aren’t what’s best for ME, then you can no longer be apart of my thoughts. Bassey has sent me off on this mental journey that I never saw myself traveling to, and with time making it my permanent state. That state being, sane. The state of CHOOSING ME. Bassey Ikpi is, second to my mother because she’d kill me if she read this and she wasn’t first, my SHEro. She is a SURVIVOR in every way. She is BRILLIANT. She is AHHMAZING. She is the angel the universe sent my way. In my mind, she is my Friend, and I owe Miss Ikpi so much. From the depths of my soul, bottom of my heart, and the sane part of my mental, I. Thank. You.

[ruh-shair-shey]