Silly humans urk my nerves!

This post I just read just made me mad… Chris Brown saying the Michael Jackson tribute was the “ultimate apology..” Ultimate apology, my ass. That little mofo can’t even admit that he HIT (punched, bit, etc) a woman… So how is that an ultimate apology?? Just like a drug addict has to admit that they’re a drug addict before they can actually begin to change, he has to admit that he actually HIT A WOMAN. If he can’t admit it, then he doesn’t think he has a problem, and if he doesn’t think he has a problem then he won’t change.

Now he doesn’t owe an apology to ANYONE but Rihanna, but when people take his side over hers, I get ticked off. When people say, “she deserved it. She must have done something to him. He wouldn’t have done that had she not…” That shit is STUPID! Tell that to your bestfriend who got her lip busted by her boyfriend. Tell that to your sister who got punched in the face. Tell that to you aunt, who is now 6 feet under because of her jealous husband who took her life. Tell that to you mother who, your whole life, has been beaten by your stepfather. Tell them they deserved it. Tell them they must of done something wrong. Tell them that. Go ahead. Say it. You can’t. You won’t. If ANYONE man put their hands on any one of those people you’d be ready to kill because I know I was. I’ve seen people go through it. I know. And they didn’t have to do shit but look the wrong way.

I’m done. I’m so pissed that I can’t write anymore. Silly ass humans. Peace and no hair grease.

[ruh-shair-shey]

Poem: Nikki-Rosa by Nikki Giovanni

This is one of my all-time favorite poems and poets. This poem is EVERYTHING! This poem is LIFE! I wrote a essay about this poem in my African American Lit class and it was my best essay I’ve ever written. My teacher said it was the best essay she’d read by a student.

Nikki-Rosa
By Nikki Giovanni

childhood remembrances are always a drag

if you’re Black

you always remember things like living in Woodlawn   

with no inside toilet

and if you become famous or something

they never talk about how happy you were to have   

your mother

all to yourself and

how good the water felt when you got your bath   

from one of those

big tubs that folk in chicago barbecue in   

and somehow when you talk about home   

it never gets across how much you

understood their feelings

as the whole family attended meetings about Hollydale

and even though you remember

your biographers never understand

your father’s pain as he sells his stock   

and another dream goes

And though you’re poor it isn’t poverty that

concerns you

and though they fought a lot

it isn’t your father’s drinking that makes any difference   

but only that everybody is together and you

and your sister have happy birthdays and very good   

Christmases

and I really hope no white person ever has cause   

to write about me

because they never understand

Black love is Black wealth and they’ll

probably talk about my hard childhood

and never understand that

all the while I was quite happy

[ruh-shair-shey]

Music Corner: Angel Taylor – ‘Not Even Human’

I listen to everyone. I’m just a lover of music, period. From oldies (but goodies) to newer artist like Angel Taylor. I think she is the NEXT big thing. Her, Love Travels, album is dope. I love it. Her voice, AMAZING. I like ever song on Love Travels, but as I kept listening, over-and-over, Not Even Human, quickly became my favorite song… Check it out!

NOT EVEN HUMAN

I have been taken before
You’re not the first to rob me of my peace and my sanity
You’ve taken all my peace and my sanity
You must have been kidding with that romantic love spell,
or maybe I just didn’t hear you right
You run over my heart, and then ask for it back
You must think that that’s alright
Well its not alright

But you’re not even human
You’re just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to-
become the girl on the piano bench,
singing all of her tears away

So did you feel sorry for me
or was i some charity case that you thought you could save?
Well I was better off, not even knowing your name
I was so much better off

Cuz you’re not even human
You’re just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to-
become the girl on the piano bench,
singing all of her tears away

all of her tears away

Cuz you’re not even human
You’re just the lovely idea of one who I accidentally loved
and gave everything to-
become the girl on the piano bench,
singing all of her tears away
all of her tears away

http://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=CA&warned=True&client=mv-google&hl=en&v=CXq-fNxocJY&fulldescription=1

[ruh-shair-shey]

Thoughts: My mind wonders, often!

Looking out into the world
What do you see?
What thoughts invade your mind?
My view is rather cloudy
Yet…
Clear
My mind goes into overdrive
Yet…
Slow enough to understand my thoughts

Not believing in the world
Is a terrifying feeling
Knowing what you want
But not knowing what the future holds
Is a thought that constantly invades my mind

I don’t belong here
Here in this world as we know it
This..
Selfish,
Materialistic,
Spoiled,
Racist,
Judgmental,
Discriminating,
Founded world

Where Christianity is the “only” religion worthy
Where the color of your skin is all that is seen
Where your sexual orientation is the “only” sin
Where morality is irrelevant
Where “church and state” are NOT separated

That world will never be for me
That world isn’t my world
That world doesn’t honor..
“…equality and freedom for all!”

If no where else
I will be free
In my thoughts

[ruh-shair-shey]

I, Ambria Jackson, Thank you

I wrote this on March 24, 2010. I was going through a great deal with my ex and Bassey Ikpi, with one simple statement, opened my eyes.

Two days or nights, however you want to say it, ago Bassey Ikpi wrote on her twitter, “Love someone and mean it. Unless loving them hurts you too much. Then love yourself and leave. Mean it and stay away.” I just stared at the tweet, and a tear cascaded down my cheek. She must be hacking into my mind because that is it. Those four short sentences spoke volumes to me. I read it and it shook my mind, sent chills through my body, calmed my heart, and freed my soul. “It isn’t your heart. Your heart protects you. It’s your mind telling you you’re not strong enough!” Is what Miss Ikpi said. Now this sent my mind on a whole other universe. This makes sense? Yes. Perfectly. I must strengthen my mind. Shit get it in a mental gym. Are you good for my sanity?! If not, then you aren’t what’s best for me and if you aren’t what’s best for ME, then you can no longer be apart of my thoughts. Bassey has sent me off on this mental journey that I never saw myself traveling to, and with time making it my permanent state. That state being, sane. The state of CHOOSING ME. Bassey Ikpi is, second to my mother because she’d kill me if she read this and she wasn’t first, my SHEro. She is a SURVIVOR in every way. She is BRILLIANT. She is AHHMAZING. She is the angel the universe sent my way. In my mind, she is my Friend, and I owe Miss Ikpi so much. From the depths of my soul, bottom of my heart, and the sane part of my mental, I. Thank. You.

[ruh-shair-shey]

Oh how I love my mood swings…

My mood swings are exhausting. One minute I’m happy-go-lucky then I’m, don’t-even-look-at-me-wrong kind of mad. I can be just chill, not wanting to be bothered; head phones on, music blasting. I can be extremely sad to the point where I just completely go into myself and shut down. The crazy part is I can be any of these in a matter of seconds; from one extreme to the next, without hesitation, without warning.
Today I was in a great mood. Woke up, got dressed, and headed out to go swimming with my sister at my friends house. Everything was good. Got a good tan. We had fun; talking, swimming, and tanning. Came home and nothing changed. My mood was the same, great. Went with my mother to take my younger sister home, stopped to get an icee, made a few jokes (as always) I’m always telling jokes and being witty, it is apart of me. After that, came home and watched my shows, HawthoRNe, and Covert Affairs (Shoot.. I forgot about White Collar, oh well.. I will watch it tomorrow or something. I knew I should have dvr’d it..) It was all goodie.
Just about 30 mins or so ago, my mood switched. Right now I am in a crawl-into-myself type of mood. I don’t want to be bothered. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to do anything but look at the tv or listen to my music. (Damn, LA Sparks just lost to Indiana, and on the night the retired one of the greats, Lisa Leslie, jersey’s.. Smh). Maybe I should just go to sleep. I don’t know. I don’t even know what triggers my mood change half the time. Sometimes it will change and I don’t even know why. Weird? *kanye shrug* I’m sleepy and I will just head off to sleepville or dreamland or whatever, I’m off to bed.

[ruh-shair-shey]

Mentor: Lauryn Hill – Mr. Intentional

“Mr. Intentional”

Yeah, yeaaah, yeah heh, yeah heh, yeah heh…
See the road to hell, is paved with good intentions
Can’t you tell, the way they have to mention
How they helped you out, you’re such a hopeless victim
Please don’t do me any favors, Mr. Intentional
All their talk, is seasoned to perfection
The road they walk, commanding your affection
They need to be needed, deceived by motivation
An opportunity, to further situation
Why they so important, is without explanation
Please don’t patrionize me, Mr. Intentional
Oh, ohhh, ohh ohhh
We give rise to ego, by being insecure
The advice that we go, desperatly searching for
The subconscious effort, to support our paramour
To engage in denial, to admit we’re immature
Validating lies, Mr. Intentional
Open up yours eyes, Mr. Intentional
Stuck in a system, that seeks to suck your blood
Held emotionally hostage, by what everybody does
Counting all the money, that you give them just because
Exploiting ignorance, in the name of love
Stop before you drop because that’s just the way it was
Please don’t justify me, Mr. Intentional
Oh undementional, Mr. Intentional
Ohhh, oh don’t you do me any favors
Ohhh, ohhhh, ohh ohhhh
Wake up you’ve been sleeping
Take up your bed and walk
Stop blaming other people
Oh it’s nobody else’s fault
Except the truth about you
You know that life goes on without you
And your expensive misinventions
Disguising your intentions
Don’t worship my hurt feelings, Mr. Intentional
Oh, oh oh oh
See I know you can’t help me, Mr. Intentional
The only help I need to live, is unprofessional
The only wealth I have to give, is not material
And if you need much more than that, I’m not available
Please don’t entertain me, Mr. Intentional
Oh I dont need your sympthy, Mr. Intentional
Stay away from me, Mr. Intentional
So undementional, Mr. Promotional, Mr. Emotional, Mr. Intentional
Ohhh ohhhh, ohhhh

[ruh-shair-shey]

Mentor: Brandy

This is like my favorite LIVE performance, that I’ve seen, from my favorite artist, Brandy! I probably listen to it, at least, once a week. ENJOY!

http://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=CA&warned=True&client=mv-google&xl=xl_blazer&hl=en&xl=xl_blazer&v=Q-9ymzOLiCo

[ruh-shair-shey]

Can you say…. BORED!

As I am sitting on this couch at Joey’s, bored, as he packs I keep replaying this saying over and over in my head…. “Trapped in the basement, sitting on a tricycle, girl getting in my nerves. Going out of my mind, I thought she was fine, don’t know if her body is hers!!” LMAO! Do NOT ask me why that is playing in my head. It just is. Don’t judge me. It was a funny little rap on that episode of Fresh Prince. Admit it? See. I am trying to humor myself. OH and I’m cold as hell. This couch I’m siting on is right on top of the air vent. Why they would put the couch here? I don’t know. Good question. I should have brought a change of clothes, like sweat pants and a t-shirt. Would have been the smart thing to do! I know. *KanyeShrug* Anywho, I am going to end this for now. Just needed to bus myself for a second. Didn’t want to look too BORED sitting here! Well… Too late for that. Oh well. Until next time..

Ain’t that the Truth

Pronounced~[ruh-shair-shey]